Fire Cracker Buster

Pic source: commons.wikimedia.org

For GSBs. Tulsi Pooja is more auspicious than Deepavali, especially when it comes to fire crackers.

Our neighbours in Veera Bhavan Compound Ballal Bagh in the Sixties D Puttaswamy and family, used to buy quite a huge bundle of fireworks and my friend Mahaveer used to arrange them in a side room in their home like they arrange them in shops, at least 3 days before Deepavali started. We used to visit them and watch the display and count the number of each item and assess the value. They also used to get aeroplane, rocket, chain crackers, Laxmi Bomb and 'Zainunde', a bomb made with rope wound around explosive material. Seetharama, the daring son of their house maid Jalaja used to ignite bombs.

Our father never used to encourage us to spend much on fireworks. For Deepavali, his budget used to be almost 25% of what Puttaswamy's family used to spend. All we got was some sparklers, whips, pencils, flowerpots, ground wheels, dot caps, matches, serpent tablet, and a packet of 'Vaale Pataki' or those triangular crackers made with dried palm leaves. However, for Tulsi Pooja our father generously spent for fireworks, and he used to take me and my brothers to B Venkatesh Bhat & Sons in Car Street, tell them to give us whatever we wanted, and then settle the bill. Sometimes we used to burn more fireworks than Puttaswamy's sons had for Deepavali, but we used to get just one packet of Laxmi Bomb, few rope trains, 100's chain cracker and few rockets. 

Across the road, at Lalbagh Stores owner Narayana Shetty's house, his sons Shivanand and Balachandra(Balu) used to fire just about any crackers with ease, for both deepavali and for Tulsi Pooja. Balu fired vaale pataaki directly by holding them against the fire and throw them just a few feet away! I used to watch Balu with envy, for he was two years younger than me, and still not afraid of lighting explosive crackers!

We were however very scared to fire bombs and vaale pataaki. My style was to burn a piece of paper, keep the bomb on it and run away! As for vaale pataaki, I would stick it into a coconut leaf bone, hold it to the fire and as soon as it ignited, throw the coconut leaf bone away along with the vaale pataaki!

Eventually two of my elder brothers got jobs and they moved to Bombay. Third one joined MBBS in Mysore and fourth one Kamalakanth, was not much interested in fire crackers. That left the last two of us, myself and Radhakanth. We were in high school in the late Sixties. I used to fire the bombs and vaale pataaki like I mentioned earlier.

It was year 1970 and as usual, Tulsi Pooja was going on. Our priest Pandit Venkatesh Acharya had arrived with his nephew Raghunath(Baab). He was performing pooja and during aarti, he shouted "Start burning fireworks!"

Myself and Radhakanth hurriedly started burning sparklers, ground wheels, flower pots and such safe items. Baab was watching us eagerly. He was two or Three years younger to me, maybe just 10 years old then. He came forward and took three or four flowerpots, lighted them directly with the help of lamp fire and kept them in a line! My mother told me "Give some crackers to Baab. Poor boy is watching eagerly!"

I gave Baab some sparklers and he lighted them with a smile, but he was not too happy. I was reluctant to give expensive fireworks to him. After we ran out of safe fireworks, I started to ignite vaale pataaki. Baab watched me light a piece of paper and keep the pataaki on that, run away much before it caught fire and exploded. Sometimes the fire set to the piece of paper would get extinguished by a breeze of wind.

Baab couldn't take it anymore. He came to me and asked "Shall I fire them vaale pataakis and bombs?"

I nodded my head and gave him the packets. He started to set them on fire directly by holding them to the lamp, and within 15 minutes he fired all the 100 vaale pataakis! Then he set the bombs on fire. This time he kept the Laxmi bomb in a distance, ignited it with a match stick and coolly walked back! He was quite daring at that age like Seetharam and Balu! 

Baab left with his uncle Pandit Acharya after the pooja was over, and I sighed in relief. Baab's guts and at the same time my helplessness for not being able to do the feats he did, made me sulk.

I felt so low that evening, I decided to go to Drawing master's shop across the MG Raod in Ballalbagh circle and get some more crackers. I pestered mother and she gave me 10 Rupees. I ran to Drawing Master's shop and bought a box of Flowerpots, a pack of Laxmi Bomb, and couple of pack of sparklers. After coming back, the first thing I did was take a flowerpot, hold it directly to the lamp flame and shout "Look! I can directly ignite flowerpot!"

That's all! Something exploded with a big bang, everything looked very bright for a moment and then I could not see anything! My ears were almost deaf with the echo of the bang! I could hear faint voices of Kamalakanth and Radhakanth in a distance, but could not make out anything! I slowly staggered into the house and sat on the Vakil Bench in the veranda. My right hand looked silver grey with the explosive powder from the flowerpot coated all over. It also had aching and burning sensation, and mother came to me with kerosene. Someone had advised her that kerosene can heal burns faster! My father was inside the house and he didn't know anything about the explosion and my hand! Mother applied kerosene to my hand and also applied a thin film of Burnol. She advised me not to wash my hand, and eat food using a spoon. I was totally blank. I was also worried about remaining fireworks!

The burn injury got healed fast, maybe within three days. Mother suggested that remaining fireworks be given to some boys in the neighbourhood to be used on Mannaguda Dindu(Gurji Deepotsava) which was also celebrated in Ballalbagh circle opposite our home. I opposed her views and I ignited them all myself on the Mannagudda Dindu day. Next year onward, I was brave enough to light fire crackers myself, and Baab was happy that I overcame my inhibitions and fear of explosive fireworks! 

Under Pressure

Today, November 19, 2015 is World Toilet Day. Had the British Rock Band 'Queen' released their 1982 hit 'Under Pressure' earlier, it would have been the right background score for the situation I underwent many years ago, which I am going to narrate in this sordid story dedicated to this day. Even a scene from the film 'Delhi Belly' would've described my agony more effectively. This may happen to anyone in life, but I have all the pride in narrating the true story, end of which may surprise you!
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Map of Mysore(Source: Google Maps). The red line marked shows the path of my journey from Shivarampet to Saraswathipuram

"Try Chicken with Cashewnut and Veg. It is good." said the lady who owned Shang Hai Restaurant in Shivarampet, Mysore.

I was there for having my dinner sometime in the summer of 1980. Returning by the passenger train from Chamarajanagar, I had reached the restaurant from the main railway station by walk, since that was closer than Chamarajapuram station, the regular one near my room.

After 15 minutes, the restaurant filled with the aroma of chicken chow mein and chicken with cashewnut and veg. It was a huge portion they served for very reasonable rates those days, sufficient for two persons with a good appetite. Being ventripotent myself, I used to garnish the noodle and the main course with lots of red chilli sauce and chilli vinegar, gobble up all that alone, and have a pot of Chinese green tea after the meal!

I did just that, paid the bill which came to much under Rs.10/-, and walked out. The time was almost 9:45PM and the shortcut path through Maharaja's College towards Mysore University was virtually deserted. That was my regular route when I walked all the way from city to Saraswathipuram 3rd Main, where I stayed in a small room, shared with a bank friend Mohan Reddy. There were in total 3 rooms and a common bath and a common toilet for the 6 of us in that building.

By the time I walked past Maharani's College Hostel, entered the compound of Maharaja's College, I had belched at least 8 times. The Chinese dinner was so sumptuous, I had a satisfactory tummy full! In another 3 minutes I reached DC Office. There I felt sudden earthquake like feeling within my digestive system!

I stopped for a while, thought I will release some gas and the tremours will subside. I also tried to release the gas in a controlled manner, all the time trying to warn my bowels to behave!

I could not succeed much because the pressure that was building inside was dangerously heavy and the release of gas might have led to a total blast and anointing of of my trousers and under garment. I tried to control my emotions and sat on the steps of DC Office for a while. Future seemed very bleak, without much hopes to survive the calamities that might happen anytime. All in all, it started to seem like a terribly gloomy evening for me.

At that moment, I had to decide within the following three:

1. Try and find a public toilet where there were none within a distance of 2-3 Kms.
2. Find a bush and squat behind it, relieve myself without any passerby watching me. 
3. Run fast towards my room and dash into the toilet.

Option no.1 was not practical, as the nearest public toilets were at the KSRTC bus stand and main railway station, both in a distance of almost 2 Kms from there. My room was also equidistant from there. Option no.2 was slightly difficult to exercise, for the fear of making the college campus dirty. Though I could convince myself that I was contributing to the vegetation with natural human manure, the apprehension of not being able to clean myself after the release of that manure, made me blank! 

So I decided to choose the last option, to walk fast or run towards my room. That seemed the only decent way out.

I got up, stood and watched all around. Not a soul in sight. I sighed in relief, and started running fast towards Saraswathipuram. As I reached the University grounds, I felt something like a volcano erupting inside me and I started to sweat profusely, my limbs started trembling and I felt dehydrated. I realised that I was suffering a bad case of diarrhoea, dysentery, amoebiasis or food poisoning. Any one of the four or all, because of the bad food and water that I used to consume in Chamarajanagar restaurants. During the daily train journeys that took over 2 and half hours each side, we had the toilets, though at times the toilets didn't have a drop of water. Even in our bank we had a toilet with acute water shortage. Because of that I often controlled pressure within my system and managed to relieve myself at the end of the day after returning to my room. 

That day was also one such day, when we didn't have water in the bank toilet as well as in our train compartment. Well, it was not the time for me to indulge in reasoning, but to find a quick way out to get out of agony and embarrassment!

Suddenly I got an idea. I had tried it before in total isolation, when nobody had watched me, but 'hop stomp jump' dancing did wonders and had stopped such outbursts of bowel pressure in the past for me! So I started to dance in a weird manner, hopping hither and thither like a bunny rabbit with both my legs parallel to each other and my hands cupping my backside! I had to do all that I had not done in public before, not even on stage or school skits. Extremely embarrassing situation, especially when someone suddenly stops you and asks "What's happening!"

Yes. Someone suddenly patted on my shoulder, smiled like a dolphin and asked in Kannada, "Saar what is going on?"

I managed a faint smile which seemed more like a cry but in the shadow of the giant trees near the fence of the ground, he might not have noticed that expression. I said "I am practicing for a new skit called 'Rabbit and Tortoise' that I am directing, and I don't have enough space in my room to hop and dance around like a rabbit. I am doing the role of rabbit in the skit."

He seemed to get convinced, but he gave me a piece of advice, "Saar you are doing wonderful, but please don't dance so vigorously. Your facial expressions may not be clearly visible even with bright stage lights. Do it slowly saar. Rabbits in real life also don't hop and dance so fast. I will show you how to do it!"

He showed me some movements that looked more like a tadpole jumping out of water. There was this peculiar expression on his face that irritated me. Besides, I was not in a mood to get audition or choreography practice at that moment of time, when the earth was sinking fast below my feet!

I felt as if my hands were itching to cup his neck wearing that irritating outdated bulldog collar with button fastened, and squeeze it, if possible break the neck, detach his dolphin like head and hand it over to him saying, "Take care of this precious extra fitting, keep it safe in a bank locker, and don't go around using it, or wearing it much. It is very valuable". 

Luckily or unluckily, I was not able to do that, as I felt one more pang of commotion within my bowels, and I hurriedly stepped towards my room without even saying bye to the stranger.

I don't know at what speed I was travelling then, but I could see trees, street lights, railway level crossing, the gates, signal poles and things passing by at almost 60KMPH. I was dizzy because my eyes were moist by the tears oozing out of helplessness, and I considered myself as the most unfortunate downtrodden soul on earth at that moment! 

Being a non believer, I was careful enough not to pray to any of the 33 Crore gods that were supposedly guardians of Hindu faith, or the other handful of them, which protected people from other faiths!

Suddenly I saw an array of street lights, and I realised that I had reached the corner of 'Kukkarahalli Kere', the lake that's a landmark between Saraswathipram and Manasa Gangotri, I was happy that I was almost near my room, and all's well. I also found out that my pants were still dry. The pressure also had subsided considerably, probably because I was used to it by then. It was almost 40 minutes past, since I had the dinner with chicken chow mein and chicken cashewnut veg. I hurried and reached the building where our room was on the first floor, ran up the stairs and made a dash to the toilet.

The tin sheet door was latched from inside, and someone was happily humming a Rajkumar film song in a hoarse voice, sounding like a buffalo that had starved for months! I felt miserable and told myself, "All that adventure, that tension, that pressure, that agony I went through, was to see this?"

I was furious. When I am furious, I don't care who is at the receiving end. I banged on the tin sheet door, kicked the door with my left foot and shouted "Who the hell is planted there inside! Come out immediately, you...... son of a.......!" I could not talk further. The world was becoming dark and I was almost fainting!

Then a ray of hope started appearing in the sky far far away! I heard the sound of water splashing and the mug hitting the floor. I also heard a feeble voice telling me in Kannada 'I am through saar. Don't shout. I am coming out immediately!".

It was Doddasidhaiah's roommate Mahadevappa. He didn't waste time, came out and said with a flash of smile, "It's all yours Maharaja. Sit on the throne, start your durbar and prosper!"

Next 10 minutes were spent in sheer ecstasy, birds chirping, angels playing sweet music, tears of joy rolling down the cheeks, the sounds of thunder lightening and hailstorm subsiding, and my whole body becoming relieved of the tremours, cramps and shivers, total relaxation, in simple worlds, pure bliss!

Had that happened in recent times, I'd have shouted "All is well......!"

Our Diwali Cracker Sale

Pic source: www.team-bhp.com

Diwali, the festival of lights was fast approaching 1982 November, and during that time we four friends from Mangalore were staying in a rented house in Rajajinagar 3rd Block. Two friends were on a 'Permanent vacation', and they were doing research in 'Parasitology', clinging on to us for almost a year! Ganesh from Prabhu Bakery family whose father had a canteen in Yashwanthpur, was a regular visitor, and was like a guide to my old classmate cum home-mate Shivanand to run his business smoothly. Shivanand ran a gramophone disc lending library opposite Ram Mandir in 4th Block by name 'Anand Disc Club'. He also did cassette recording at home as supplementary service. 

Having developed a good clientele, being popular locally people because of his and his working partner cum relative Narayan's friendly happy go lucky nature, he thought of setting up a Fire crackers stall on the Ram Mandir ground. He had seen his rival Mayur Disc Club guy making good business selling crackers the previous year. Besides, the Bhandarkar brothers Dileep and Dinesh, who had weighing scales and fire crackers business on Avenue Road were close friends of Shivanand and Narayan. They had motivated Shivanand to go ahead and said they will support him, giving credit and good discount! 

So, Shivanand held a meeting with us home-mates and the parasites over dinner at Gay Lord Bar and Restaurant on 80 Feet Road, and said 'I am going to setup a pataki stall on Ram Mandir ground for Diwali starting on November 12 and ending on November 15. The stall will be open for 4 days. I will spend for all the necessary expenses including City Corporation license, setting up the stall, lighting and furniture, boards and banners, fire cracker stock and all your expenses including breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks and conveyance! Please join me, help me and make it a success. With all that extra money I can improve my disc lending library. I will give you all a grand party after the four day sale is over!"

We all nodded in approval. I was working for a Bank those days, and I said I shall take leave on two days when we don't have holidays. Shivanand had his father's Lambretta scooter to go around. He explained that the Bhandarkars keep their shop on Avenue Road open until late hours in the night so that two of us can go at midnight on the scooter, choose the variety of crackers and hire an autorickshaw to get it to our stall, arrange them before sun rise. So, when potential buyers visit the ground, they will find good stock in our stall and naturally tend to buy from us! By the time other stall owners go to the market and get the stock, it will be past 11:00am. That was a brilliant idea, and I agreed with him. I said, I will assist him in buying stock at midnight on all the days.

Shivanand went around with Ganesh in arranging things, getting the license, setting up the stall and fixing the furniture. He got the space allotted for the stall, a 15 feet x 10 feet plinth area in the second row on to the right, as we went down the steps of Ram Mandir ground from Shivanand's shop. A basic tin sheet roofed shed with an end to end counter at the front, a wooden display stand with steps at the center, racks on both sides and at the back to stock crackers. Since it was autumn month and the weather was naturally air conditioned in Bangalore, we didn't worry about the tin sheets getting heated up.

On November 11, as I woke up at 7:30am, I heard Steely Dan cassette of mine playing and the Bhandarkar brothers Dileep and Dinesh were tapping their feet listening to the number 'Bodhisattva'! I met them for the first time, and they were very friendly. They also appreciated my cassette collection. Shivanand told them that I will be the one who is going to join him for purchase of crackers at midnight. The Bhandarkar brothers assured us that they will give their full support and also added that best time would be between 12:00 midnight and 1:30am when they will be present, and there won't be any rush. at 2:00am they close down, they added.

Exactly at 10:00am on November 12, we the 'Magnificent Seven' opened the stall and started our Diwali fire cracker sale! Initial response was a bit slow, as it was a working day, and Bangalorean people are mostly conservative. They buy crackers only on the main Diwali days and skip the first and the last day mostly. However, by late afternoon people started swarming around, going around and comparing the prices at each and every stall!

My prior experience was running a fast food stall at the Ballalbagh Gurji Deepostava Mangalore in 1971, when I and our friends from ‘Blu Moon Sports Club’ had set up a stall selling Charmburi and packed snacks along with Bajal soft drinks. Following the strategy we had worked that day to attract people, I told Shivanand, "We better make two guys stand at the steps of both the entrances to the ground and guide people to our stall. Otherwise many miss out the banners put at the entrance, a few lazy ones will visit the first stall that they see and some known people also may miss ours".

That seemed to work better, and quite a few people expressed their surprise that we have a cracker stall there too! Teenagers and girls were more attracted to us naturally, because we Mangaloreans show personal attention with politeness, making them feel good, that most of the Bangaloreans lack! Some girls even started to hang around at our stall with an excuse to buy some forgotten item, and wouldn't move from our stall for hours, staring at some of us and trying to get friendly! I and Mahendra were attending to the customers, Shivanand finding the items from the stock and presenting them, Ganesh and Jyothiparakash making bills and accepting cash, Kedar and Narayan attracting people at the entrance to the ground and guiding them. That was our style of functioning. We kept rotating duties in the morning, afternoon and evening, so that none of us felt the work monotonous.

After the day's sale is over, at 11:00pm someone would go to Gay Lord, get food and drink for all of us, we would sit behind the display stand on the floor and have our dinner while discussing the funny incidences that happened during the day. Appanna our friend, a Coorgi boy working as waiter at Gay Lord Bar would join us during dinner, and he would also get some special complimentary dish! Past midnight, I would go with Shivanand to Avenue Road by his scooter, enter the godown of Bhandarkars', select whatever we wanted, dump the boxes in an auto and into the leg space of the scooter and bring that to the stall. After the four of us arranged the crackers on the racks and the display stand, two would stay back and sleep in the stall, while two of us returned home at 3:00am to rest!

The amount of profit Shivanand made by selling the crackers, was copious! Shivanand's way of dealing was, buy stock on credit, sell it with 120% margin while the MRP suggested 200%, give further 20% discount to known clients and pocket net 100%. After expenses, he will be left with 80%. He also got discount from Bhandarkar brothers on special items. So that also added up to his profit. Besides, Narayan and Kedar were adept at making totaling mistake or mistake in writing the item prices! Whether it was deliberate or due to bad calculation, they used to say ‘sorry’, correct the mistakes and give further 10% discount, if any customer pointed out! Thus, in 4 days, Shivanand made over 20000/- with an investment of 2000/- Rupees! Our purchase from the Bhandarkars was two to three times a day!

My satisfaction was learning trick of the trade and how to attract customers while selling a perishable item, learning business management from purchase, stock, pricing and sale. We had different pricing according to demand. First and last day we gave 'big discount', while on high days, we kept high margin! When we didn't have a particular item, we never let the customer go back or try at other stalls. We immediately sent someone to get that item from some know persons like Manja of Mayura Crackers. I also spread the word, and many of my relatives and friends staying in nearby areas like Malleshwaram, Mahalaxmi Layout, Peenya, Yashwanthpur, Srirampuram, West of Chord Road, Okalipuram and Mattikere came to buy crackers from our stall. A proud moment for me was when a relative came all the way from Frazer Town with family and bought crackers from our stall! 

The thrill of being recognised by the local people, especially beautiful teen girls, as partner of 'Anand Crackers' was almost like being noted as a movie hero those days! They started smiling and talking to me wherever they met me. Later in 1984 when I had a 'No Entry' case while riding my scooter near Ram Mandir by the Police, couple of locals tried to come to my rescue saying "He is our man sir. Please let him go!” I was served ticket, wrote apology letter at the Rajajinagar Police Station and escaped without paying fine or appearing in court, that's a different story!

Our Diwali Cracker Sale was an explosive hit and a thumping success, but Shivanand dropped the idea of setting up stalls in the succeeding years, as he lost interest in such hardship and risk after he got married. Besides, the two parasites had moved back home to Mangalore, and the 'Magnificent Seven' were reduced to 'Five Man Army'!

ಐ ವಾಂಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ

ಕನ್ನಡ ರಾಜ್ಯೋತ್ಸವ ಸಂದರ್ಭದಲ್ಲಿ ನನ್ನ ನೆನಪಿನ ಪುಟಗಳನ್ನು ಕೆದಕಿ ಈ ಒಂದು ನೈಜ ಅನುಭವವನ್ನು, ಒಂದು ಹಾಸ್ಯಮಯ ಸನ್ನಿವೇಶವನ್ನು ತಮ್ಮೆಲ್ಲರ ಮುಂದಿಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇನೆ. ವಿಚಿತ್ರ ಸನ್ನಿವೇಶದಲ್ಲಿ ನಡೆದ ಈ ನೈಜ ಕಥೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಬರುವ ಸಂಭಾಷಣೆಗಳನ್ನು ಒದಿ ಯಾರೂ ಕನ್ನಡ ಭಾಷೆಯ ಅವಹೇಳನವೆಂದು ಪರಿಗಣಿಸಬಾರದು. ಸ್ವತಃ ಕನ್ನಡಾಭಿಮಾನಿಯಾದ ನಾನು, ಕುಡಿದ ಅಮಲಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಒಬ್ಬರು ಮಾಡಿದ ತಪ್ಪನ್ನು ತಿದ್ದಿ ಅವರನ್ನು ಸರಿದಾರಿಗೆ ತಂದ ಬಗೆಯನ್ನು, ಹಾಗೂ ಎರಡು ಭಾಷೆ, ಎರಡು ಸಂಸ್ಕೃತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಬೆಳೆದ ಜನರಲ್ಲಿ ಭಾಷೆಯ ಅಂತರದಿಂದ ದೊಡ್ದ ಅವಾಂತರವಾಗುವುದನ್ನು  ಜಾಣ್ಮೆಯಿಂದ ತಪ್ಪಿಸಿದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ವಿವರಿಸಿದ್ದೇನೆ. ಕನ್ನಡ ಭಾಷೆಯ ಅಂಧಾಭಿಮಾನ ಸಲ್ಲದು, ವಿಷ್ಲೇಶಣೆ ಅವಶ್ಯ ಎಂದು ಈ ಮೂಲಕ ತಿಳಿಯಪಡಿಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇನೆ.
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Pic source: pixabay.com

1979 ಅಕ್ಟೋಬರ್ ಅಥವಾ ನವೆಂಬರ್ ಸಮಯ ಇರಬೇಕು. ದೀಪಾವಳಿ ರಜೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಮೈಸೂರು ಸುತ್ತಾಡಲು ಪ್ರವಾಸಿಗಳ ಪ್ರವಾಹವೇ ಪ್ರವಾಹ! ನಾನು ಮತ್ತು ನನ್ನ ಇಬ್ಬರು ಆತ್ಮೀಯ ಮಿತ್ರರು ಸುರೇಶ್ ಮತ್ತು ದಯಾನಂದ್ ಇಷ್ಟಪಟ್ಟ ’ಆಶಿರ್ವಾದ್ ಹೋಟಲ್ - ಮೇನಕಾ ಬಾರ್’ ಅದೊಂದು ಶನಿವಾರ ರಾತ್ರಿ 8:00 ಘಂಟೆಗೇ ತುಂಬಿ ತುಳುಕುತ್ತಿತ್ತು.  ದಿನಾ ಕನ್ನಡ ಚಿತ್ರದ ಹಾಡುಗಳನ್ನು ಪದೇ ಪದೇ ಕೇಳಿ ಬೇಸತ್ತ ನಮಗೆ ರೋಸಿ ಹೋಗಿ, ನಾನು ನನ್ನ ಎರಡು ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್ ಹಾಡಿನ ಕ್ಯಾಸೆಟ್‍ಗಳನ್ನು ಮ್ಯಾನೇಜರ್ ಕೈಲಿ ಕೊಟ್ಟೆ.

ನಮಗಂತೂ ಮಾಮೂಲಿ ಗಿರಾಕಿಗಳು ಎಂದು ಬಾರ್ ಕೌಂಟರ್ ಮೂಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಜಾಗ ಕಾದಿರಿಸಿದ ಮ್ಯಾನೇಜರ್ ಶ್ರೀನಿವಾಸ್ ಕನ್ನಡ ಹಾಡು ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಿ ನನ್ನ ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್ ಹಾಡುಗಳ ಕ್ಯಾಸೆಟ್ ಹಾಕಿ ದೊಡ್ಡ ಧ್ವನಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ’ಡೋನಾ ಸಮ್ಮರ್’ ಹಾಡು ನುಡಿಸಿದ!

ಕೂಡಲೇ ನನ್ನ ಬಲಕ್ಕೆ ಕೂತ ಆಸಾಮಿ ತಟ್ಟನೆ ಎದ್ದು ನಿಂತು ಜೋರಾಗಿ ಕೂಗಿದ "ಐ ವಾಂಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ ಸಾಂಗ್ಸ್! ಐ ವಾಂಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ...!"

"ಅಬೇ ಚುಪ್ ಬೈಟ್ ಬೇ! ಕೌನ್ ಸುನೇಗಾ ತೇರಾ ಕನ್ನಡಾ!" ಮಧ್ಯದ ಟೇಬಲ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಕುಳಿತ ಇಬ್ಬರು ಉತ್ತರ ಭಾರತೀಯರು ಗದರಿಸಿದರು!

ನಮ್ಮ ಕನ್ನಡಪ್ರಿಯ ಮಹಾರಾಯ ಅದಾಗಲೇ ಐದನೇ ಪೆಗ್ ಗುಳುಂಕರಿಸಿ ಸರಿಯಾಗಿ ನಿಲ್ಲಲೂ ಮಾತಾಡಲೂ ಆಗದೇ ಮತ್ತೊಮ್ಮೆ ಕ್ಷೀಣ ಸ್ವರದಲ್ಲಿ ಬಡಬಡಿಸಿದ "ಶಟ್ ಅಪ್! ಐ ವಾಂಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ ಮೀನ್ಸ್ ಅರ್ಥಾಗಲ್ವಾ ಅವ್ನಿಗೇ.... ಬೋಸುಡಿ ನನ್ ಮಗ್ನಿಗೇ! ಸುಮ್ಕಿರೋ ಲೋಫರ್ ನನ್ ಮಗ್ನೇ! ಐ ವಾಂಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ..... ಅಣ್ಣಾ... ಶ್ರೀನಿವಾಸಾ.... ಹಾಕಲೋ ಕನ್ನಡಾ ಹಾಡು!"

ನಾರ್ತ್ ಇಂಡಿಯನ್ಸ್ ಜೋರಾಗಿ ಅರಚಿದ್ರು "ಬಾಸ್.... ಲೆಟ್ ಇಟ್ ಪ್ಲೇ. ಡೋಂಟ್ ಲಿಸನ್ ಟು ದೇಟ್ ಈಡಿಯಟ್!"

"ಥ್ಯಾಂಕ್ ಯು ಸರ್. ವೆರಿ ಗುಡ್ ಸೋಂಗ್ಸ್! ಬಿಕೋಸ್ ಓಫ್ ಯೂ, ವೀ ಆರ್ ಸೇವ್ಡ್ ಫ್ರೋಮ್ ಬೋರಿಂಗ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ ಸೊಂಗ್ಸ್!" ಎಂದು ನನಗೂ ಅಭಿನಂದನೆ ಸಲ್ಲಿಸಿದರು!

ನಮ್ಮ ಪಕ್ಕ ಕುಳಿತ ಆಸಾಮಿ ಹೂಂಕಾರ ಠೇಂಕಾರ ಹಾಕುತ್ತಾ ಬಾಯೊಳಗೇ "ಕನ್ನಡಾ ಕನ್ನಡಾ...." ಎಂದು ಮಣಮಣಿಸುತಿದ್ದ!

ಯಾವುದೋ ದೊಡ್ದ ಕಾಲೇಜ್ ಪ್ರೊಫೆಸರ್ ಉದಯವರ್ಮ ಅಂತೆ. ದಿನಾ ಮೂಗಿನ ವರೇಗೆ ಏರಿಸಿ ನಡೆಯಲೂ ಕಷ್ಟಪಟ್ಟು ಇಬ್ಬರು ಹೊತ್ತುಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗಿ ಆಟೋರಿಕ್ಶಾದಲ್ಲಿ ಕುಳ್ಳಿರಿಸಿ ಬರುವುದು ಮಾಮೂಲಿ ಕಥೆಯಂತೆ... ಹಾಗಂದ ಶ್ರೀನಿವಾಸ್!

ಹಾಗೇ ನಾನು ಮೆಲ್ಲನೆ ಶ್ರೀನಿವಾಸ್ ಬಳಿ ನಡೆದು ಹೇಳಿದೆ "ಆಣ್ಣಾ....  ಶ್ರೀನಿವಾಸಾ.... ಸಧ್ಯಕ್ಕೆ ಒಂದು ಕನ್ನಡ ಹಾಡು ಹಾಕಪ್ಪಾ... ಅವ್ನಿಗೆ ಸಮಾಧಾನಾ ಆಗ್ಲಿ. ಆ ಮೇಲೆ ತಿರ್ಗಾ ನನ್  ಕ್ಯಾಸೆಟ್ ಹಾಕುವಿಯಂತೆ!"

’ನೂರೀ’ ಫಿಲಮ್ ಹೀರೋ ತರಹ ಕಾಣ್ಬೇಕೆಂದು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ದಿನ ಮುಂಚಿತವಾಗಿ ಶೇರ್ವಾನಿ ಸೂಟ್ ಹೊಲಿಸಿ ಮೆರೆಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದ 95 ಕೇಜಿ ತೂಕದ ಟೊಣಪ ಶ್ರೀನಿವಾಸ್ ಮೀಸೆ ತಿರುವುತ್ತ ಅಂದ, "ಡೆಲಿಕೇಟ್ ಸಿಚುವೇಶನ್ ಗುರು! ಎಲ್ಲಾದ್ರೂ ನಿನ್  ಕ್ಯಾಸೆಟ್ ನಿಲ್ಸಿ ಕನ್ನಡಾ ಹಾಡು ಹಾಕಿದ್ರೆ.... ಆ ನಾರ್ತ್ ಇಂಡಿಯನ್ಸ್ ಅಂತೂ ನನ್ನನ್ನಾ ಸೀಳಿ ಕಬಾಬ್ ಮಾಡಿ ಬಿಡ್ತಾರಷ್ಟೆ!"

ನನಗಂತೂ ನುಂಗಲಾರದ ತುತ್ತು! ’ಇತ್ತ ಪುಲಿ ಅತ್ತ ದರಿ’ ಎಂಬಂತಾಯಿತು ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿ. ನಮಗೂ ನನ್ನ ಹಾಡುಗಳನ್ನೇ ಕೇಳಬೇಕೆಂಬ ಹಂಬಲ. ನಾರ್ತ್ ಇಂಡಿಯನ್ಸ್ ನಮ್ಮ ಕಡೆ ಇದ್ದರೂ ಅವರನ್ನು ನಾವಾಗಿ ಸಪೋರ್ಟ್ ಮಾಡೋ ಹಾಗಿಲ್ಲ!

ಫಕ್ಕನೆ ಒಂದು ಐಡಿಯಾ ಫ್ಲೇಶ್ ಆಗಿ, ನಾನು ಪಕ್ಕದವನ ಹೆಗಲಿನ ಮೇಲೆ ಕೈ ಇಟ್ಟು, ಕೂತ್‍ಕೊಂಡು ತಲೆ ಎತ್ತಲು ಕಷ್ಟ ಪಟ್ಟರೂ, ಕೆಂಗಣ್ಣುಗಳಿಂದ ಅತ್ತಿತ್ತ ನೋಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದ ಅವನನ್ನು ಕಣ್ಣಲ್ಲಿ ಕಣ್ಣಿಟ್ಟು ನೋಡಿ ಮೆಲ್ಲಗೆ ಹೇಳಿದೆ "ನೋಡಿ ಸ್ವಾಮಿ, ನಿಮಗೆ ಕನ್ನಡ ಹಾಡು ಕೇಳಲು ಇಷ್ಟ ತಾನೇ! ಅದನ್ನು ಸ್ಪಷ್ಟವಾಗಿ, ನನ್ಗೆ ಕನ್ನಡ ಹಾಡು ಬೇಕು ಎಂದು ಹೇಳೋದು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್‍ನಲ್ಲಿ ಐ ವಾಂಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ ಸಾಂಗ್ಸ್ ಅಂದ್ರೆ ಕೇಳ್ತಾರಾ ಯಾರಾದ್ರೂ! ನಿಮ್ಗೆ ತಲೆ ಗಿಲೆ ಸರೀಗಿದೆಯೇನ್ರೀ?"

ಅವನು ಒಂದು ಕ್ಷಣ ಬೆಕ್ಕಸ ಬೆರಗಾಗಿ ನನ್ನನ್ನೇ ದೃಷ್ಟಿಸಿ ನೋಡಿ ಗೋಳೋ ಎಂದು ಅಳುತ್ತಾ ಅಂದ, "ಕ್ಷಮಿಸಿ ಸಾರ್....ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡಿದೆ! ತಮ್ಮ ಕಾಲಿಗೆ ಬೀಳ್ತೀನಿ ಸಾರ್! ಬೇಜಾರ್ ಮಾಡ್ಕೋಬೇಡಿ ಸಾರ್! ತಾವು ಮಹಾಜ್ಞಾನಿಗಳು! ನನ್ನ ಕಣ್ಣು ತೆರೆಸಿದ ಅಧ್ಬುತ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ ಸಾರ್ ನೀವು! ಇಷ್ಟೊಂದು ಮೂರ್ಖನಂತೆ ನಾನು ’ಐ ವಾಂಟ್ ಕನ್ನಡಾ” ಎಂದು ಬಡಬಡಿಸ್ತಿದೀನಲ್ಲಾ.... ಎಕ್ಕಡಾ ತಕ್ಕೊಂಡು ಹೊಡೀರಿ ಸಾರ್ ನಂಗೆ! ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡಿದೆ ಸಾರ್... ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡಿದೆ! ಈವಾಗ ನೀವು ಏನಂದ್ರೂ ಕೇಳ್ತೀನಿ ಸಾರ್ ನಾನು!".

ನಾನಂದೆ "ನೋಡಿ ಸಾರ್, ಒಂದು ಸಣ್ಣ ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡಿದ್ರಿ. ಅದ್ಕೇ ಯಾರೂ ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನ ಗಣನೆಗೆ ತಕ್ಕೊಳ್ಳಿಲ್ಲಾ. ಇನ್ನಾದ್ರೂ ಕನ್ನಡ ಭಾಷೆಯ ಮೇಲೆ ಅಭಿಮಾನ ಇಟ್ಕೊಂಡು ಶುದ್ಧ ಕನ್ನಡದಲ್ಲೇ ಮಾತನಾಡಿ. ಆವಾಗ ನಿಮಗೆ ಮರ್ಯಾದೆನೂ ಸಿಗುತ್ತೆ, ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮಾತೂ ನಡಿಯುತ್ತೆ!"

ಮುಂದಿನ ಒಂದು ಘಂಟೆ ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್ ಹಾಡುಗಳನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿ ಆನಂದಿಸಿದೆವು ನಾವು. ಕುಡಿದ ಅಮಲಿನಲ್ಲಿ ತೊದಲುತ್ತಾ ಮಾಲುತ್ತಾ ಇಬ್ಬರು ಹುಡುಗರ ಸಪೋರ್ಟ್‍ನಿಂದ ಹೊರ ನಡೆದ ಗ್ರಾಚಾರ್ಯ... ಅಲ್ಲ ಕ್ಷಮಿಸಿ ಪ್ರಾಚಾರ್ಯ ಉದಯವರ್ಮನನ್ನು ನೋಡಿ ಮುಖ ಮುಖ ನೋಡಿ ಹೊಟ್ಟೆ ತುಂಬಾ ನಕ್ಕೆವು!  ಕೊನೆಗೂ ಆತನಿಗೆ ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್ ಹಾಡುಗಳ ಕ್ಯಾಸೆಟ್ ನನ್ನದೆಂದು ಗೊತ್ತೇ ಆಗಲಿಲ್ಲ!